‘If Only’ by Rory Shepherd
"It's only a goodbye." Jane closed the tub of ice cream and left the phone on loudspeaker. Meanwhile, her friend was catastrophising and Jane knew better than to interrupt. Do you think John will take you back? Will you be okay on your own? Did you really tell him to go and marry his golf clubs? Jane spent the evening taking photos and mementos down from her walls and shelves. She also finished the ice cream.
"It's only a tiny spot." Jane closed the boot and left for work. David went to the doctor anyway to book her an appointment but regretted it immediately. The queue was long, the ambience was coughy and the staff were ineffectual. Do you have power of attorney? Can you get her on the phone? Has she tried our online portal? David spent the walk home trying to avoid getting frustrated and eventually decided he was grateful for a chance to get his steps in.
"It's only a number." Jane closed the cab door and left the party. When they first met, everyone hounded them, it was like the others cared more than they did. Did you talk to him? Did you see his hair? Did you get his details? Jane spent the journey back trying to memorise the phone number and contain her smile. She got home and put her now favourite scrap of paper on the fridge.
"It's only a metal circle." Jane closed the letter and left the envelope on the side. David tried to book the day off work to come with her but his manager made it difficult. Did you forget we have Franklin coming in? Have you read the policy on booking time off? Do you really need the whole day? David spent his break trying to research MRI scans, but the office computers only allowed certain pre-approved sites so it was borderline useless. They did allow solitaire during the lunch hour though.
"It's only a bit of hair." Jane closed the sandwich and left David to deal with their findings. The waiter was apologetic and astute. Would you like a replacement? Perhaps a free glass of wine for the lady? You will give us another chance, I hope? Jane spent the money they got taken off the bill on extra drinks later. She called it an apology for picking the restaurant and gave David free rein to arrange the location of their second date.
"It's only a small keyhole." Jane closed the leaflet and left the hospital. David drove them straight to the cinema to give Jane a distraction and an opportunity to avoid silence. The people in the row ahead seemed to have never been in a cinema before or perhaps even ever seen a film. Who is this character? Why are we in the past now? How long is left? David spent the whole film holding Jane's arm, and his tongue.
"It's only a few nights." Jane closed the brochure and left her key with the neighbour. She squealed when David had told her where he had booked, delighted not only that they were going, but also that she hadn't had to sit through the travel agent's spiel herself. Are you pool people or beach people? Do you get away regularly? Has anyone spoken to you about our gold drinks package? Jane spent an entire day working out what she would need to take, but managed to pack everything anyway.
"It's only a few nights." Jane closed the curtain and left the flowers on the chair beside her. The nurse was rushed off her feet but still found time to make Jane feel settled. Do you know how to adjust the bed? Would you like me to bring you some water? Are there enough pillows? David spent virtually all his change on Jane's favourite chocolate bar from the vending machine. He had brought as much as he could with him in the overnight bag and Jane laughed when she saw it all. He took the puzzle book and the hot water bottle back and rubbed her head until the nurse came to remind him that visiting hours were over.
"It's only a small keyhole." Jane closed the front door and left the key on the hook. It felt amazing to finally be in there without the grating estate agent at their backs. Are you familiar with the process? You don't mind if I take this, do you? Would you like my card so you can spread the word? Jane spent the first night lying awake with excitement. She mostly stared at David while he slept but also decorated the whole house in her head.
"It's only a bit of hair." Jane closed the tap and left the towel wrapped around her head. She wished the care team had been a little less diplomatic; it really wasn't her style. What is your morning routine like? Do you often go out in the sun? Would you say you have a balanced diet? David spent the night lying awake with worry. He mostly stared at Jane while she slept but also planned out their whole lives in his head.
"It's only a metal circle." Jane closed the wine list and left her hand on the table for all to see. She had answers for every question already prepared. How did he do it? Did you cry? Have you shown Diane yet? Jane spent the rest of the conversation gushing about David; pouring her heart and wine out in equal measure.
"It's only a number." Jane closed the window and left the radio on for background noise. The life insurance people could not have been less human if they tried. Can you confirm the exact prognosis? Is that 3 months from now or from an earlier appointment? Do you think it would be better if we spoke directly to Mrs. Wenden? David spent the rest of the evening cursing everything. He broke the handle on the microwave and his finger on the fridge.
"It's only a tiny spot." Jane closed her hand around David's and left the waiting room. The sonographer had been kindly but intense. Do you want to know the sex? Will you name it after a family member? Have you thought about schools? Jane spent hours on the phone to whoever she thought would care. She could have repeated herself forever and not grown tired of the news.
"It's only a goodbye." Jane closed her eyes and left.
Rory Shepherd wrote this story in response to the prompt “It’s not that serious”, as part of July’s Just Write! short story competition.
